Some Jokes =)) (18+ ONLY)

26 Mar

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, ‘You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.

‘From now on when I say BELL 1’ I want you to strip naked.When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed.And when I say BELL 3 We are going to make love all night.

‘The next night he came home from work and yelled’ BELL 1!’ The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled ‘BELL 2!’, the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled ‘BELL 3!’, they began making love.After a few minutes the wife yelled ‘BELL 4!’

‘What the hell is BELL 4?’ asked the husband?

‘ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,’ she replied ‘YOU’RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.’

====

Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mum that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she’s very good at them.

Mum said, “You should say NO – they only want to look at your panties”.

Susie said, “I know they do, that’s why I hide them in my bag”.
=====

Michael, Francis and Ubaldo are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter.

“Ok you, Michael, how many times did you cheat on your wife??”

“Let me be honest Peter. I’ve been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life”.

“Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai i10 there. Goodbye.”

St. Peter turns to Francis, “How many times did you cheat on your wife??”

Francis replies, “I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice.”

St. Peter says, “OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here’s the keys. Get going!”

He then looks at Ubaldo, “And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife??”

Ubaldo lifts his head high and replies, “I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time!”
St Peter replies, “Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that BMW Z4-M Roadster convertible. Goodbye!”

Michael and Francis have driven off and are in a car park nearby waiting for their friend. Ubaldo turns up in his BMW but he is crying his heart out.

Michael asks, “Arrre! What’s the matter with you? We should be crying. We’re stuck with these cheaper models and you got an expensive BMW!”

Between sobs Ubaldo explains, *“I just saw my wife driving a Nano” *
====

A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love.

In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realized that they were not going to stop or get out of his way, so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck.

He looked down at the two, still on the road, and yelled, “What the hell’s the matter with you two? Didn’t you hear me blowing the horn? You could have
been killed!”

Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, “Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes”
====

An old Parsee is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed: “Dikraa, aii ley, for you, my chrome-plated 0.38 revolver”.

“But Bawaji, I really dont like guns. How about you leaving me tamaaru gold Rolex watch instead “?

“Chutia, shut-up and listen. Someday you have to run maaru business.
Someday you gonna come home and maybe find your fataakri bairi in bed with some other bhonsrino bhadvo.
Chutmarina, what will you do then?

Point your Rolex watch at him and say “Time’s up”???

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: